We Need Protectors and Not Perpetrators
Image by @lilithalelanga (Instagram)
As a woman living in South Africa, I have to be grateful for every day I remain alive. I have to be thankful to survive another day in South Africa; where any day I could be next, next to be a headline or hashtag. Next to be mourned or missing. It could happen any day and anywhere. It could happen in an Uber, it could happen at a party, it could happen at home, it could happen in a post office. The frustrating part is that I’m responsible for my safety. I’m the one who has to make sure I make the Uber driver aware that I’ve shared his information and my ride with multiple friends. I need to make sure my dress doesn’t invite any unwanted attention. I’m the one who has to be wary of men in post offices.
Why? Because day in and day out another name becomes just another number added to a list of victims, and I don’t want to be next. I don’t want my mom to wake up to reports that my charred body has been found in a field. It’s tiring having these things play in your mind every time you step out of the house and I know I’m not the only one exhausted. So many of us have had identical experiences of unwanted sexual advances, to a point where it’s become normal that we live through these things.
The question I always ask myself is why is this a women’s issue? Why aren’t we making men the centre of this issue? We see how the stats are phrased, “Every 3 hours a woman is murdered in South Africa” and “There’s a 40% likelihood that a woman in South Africa will be raped at least once in her life”. What if we switched the narrative? Broadcast how many men will become rapists in their lifetime and how many men murder women and children daily. Now everyone can see where the problem lies because it is only when a problem is stated clearly that we can begin to tackle it and find solutions.
Our country has a tendency to come up with “should this happen to you” solutions instead of putting preventative measures in place. Women and children being raped and murdered is the result of a problem and not the problem itself. This is why I commend organisations such as #LangaForMen who believe that “gender based violence starts and ends with men”. This is an organisation that understands that men need to be reached at a young and formative age to instil values that will make them upstanding men in society. They even say themselves, “we want to educate and inspire young boys to be protectors not perpetrators.” This is a preventative measure. This is early intervention. This is what we need more of, initiatives by men for men that focus on fixing the problems among men.